by Nishoni Harvey
Are you controlling life, or are you allowing life to control you? I am posing this question in all sincerity and humbleness. I deal with this too. What is it you deal with, Nishoni? Being too busy. Letting life control me. This can further complicate mental illness.
My husband says all I do is go-go-go. I have this “problem.” He mentions something that needs to be done or that he’d like to have done, and I’m on it like a fly on honey. I usually have it done for him that day or as soon as it can possibly be done if it’s a project that’ll take a while. This isn’t a problem, per se. The issue arises when I find myself too busy for my other tasks at hand, as I tend to drop everything else to answer his bid and call.
What About the Children?
I do well with including the children in the task, but I didn’t use too. I was too busy. I would get frustrated easily when my little ones were underfoot. I found myself tripping over them as they wandered around confused about what they were supposed to be doing without Mommy’s guidance and constant affection.
One day, God brought someone in my life that taught me how to include my children rather than to be too busy for them. I found if I let them turn the handle on Mr. Cranky (the noodle maker) when I was making lasagna that they smiled and giggled, and, incredibly, so did I! When I installed locks on doors, I let my four-year-old hold the door still. When stitching my husband’s pants, I had them hold the pants legs up off the floor. I know that’s not necessary, but they didn’t know that. 😊
When Matt mentions getting a plumber or a handyman for a job, I immediately start calling around to find the cheapest jobs. I don’t necessarily include my children in that, but I don’t “ignore” them during the calls either. I’m not too busy for them. I do get
frustrated when they’re too loud. I do send them to their rooms to play if they are, but while they are out and about, I look at the pictures they bring to me and hug them for a job well done. I smile and give them the “I Love You” sign in response to theirs.
According to WebMD, feelings that come along with the feeling “neglected” (because of a parent being too busy for them) can lead to mental illness in a susceptible child! These include the anger they may hold toward their parent and feelings of low self-esteem or loneliness. What do you do to not be too busy for your children? What can you do to include them?
And Your Spouses?
Your husbands need you, ladies! Your wife needs you, men! They need to know you love them and trust them. Women, your man needs to know you rely on him. How do you provide them this reassurance?
- Tell them (your one and only)—We all like to hear those three magical words, “I love you.” What about the other words? What about uplifting words like, “You’re a hunk!” or “You’re so sexy,” or encouraging word like, “I’m so glad you work so hard to provide for me!” Even if you work too, your spouse needs that.
- Show them—Yes, we need to be told, but we also need to be shown! Rub your wife’s shoulders, run your fingers through your husband’s hair as he lays his head in your lap, or do special things for them. Men, you might walk up behind your wife, kiss her on the neck, move her aside, and wash the dishes for her. Women, you might mow the lawn for your husband while he’s at work. Maybe make him his favorite breakfast and bring it to him in bed after letting him sleep in on his day off.
We need to be shown. People are tactile learners. I’ve heard it said that “More is caught than taught.” This is so true! Most of us learn so much more and so much more quickly by example and by being shown than we ever do by just hearing about it!
- Ask him (yes, I said, “him”)—Let him lead; let him direct you! “But he won’t,” you might say. Matt never would either, but, you know what? I made him. I refused to make any decision that involved family finances or anything else that could affect our family. I even asked him before I spent a few dollars at McDonald’s! You know what? I still do! It’s his job, his God-given duty. Leadership makes a man feel better about himself, gives him a sense of purpose because he is taking that stress of decisions upon his own shoulders, and it also makes them a little more protective of their wife.
- Ask them (There’s two because this includes her too) —I ask Matt’s advice in any big decision I make personally and have for the almost fourteen years we’ve been married (WOW!I’m getting OLD!!)! You know what? He asks my advice too. Not only that, but he asks my input. If we’re going to make a big decision, he likes to know what I think about the idea—Yea or Nay and my reasoning. This does wonders for my mental illnesses, especially my Bipolar, by building my self-worth, which helps my depression.
- Tell him again—Men and women communicate differently. Men don’t get it the first time. How many times have you asked your husband to do something in particular only to have it “ignored?” This is because we, as women, don’t really ask—not in man language anyway. Men think literal. You must speak literally. You can’t expect them to read between the lines. To them, “It would be nice if you would pick me up a cup of coffee” means absolutely nothing while, to us, it means, “Can you please get me a coffee?” Don’t get mad at him over little things. Don’t frustrate him because of a difference in communication. My soul! Don’t frustrate yourself! Just tell him what you mean in two different ways. Tell him twice. Make a habit of it.
Police officers don’t play around! They see you; you’re caught! It’s as simple as that. Most of the time they will give you a fine. Sometimes, though, you can get off with a warning. You never know, ladies, so always get dolled up—even if you’re just going to WalMart! 😊 Either way, they always say these words, “Slow down.”
At least that’s what my officer said… I mean *ahem* not that I would know…
We must push ourselves to slow down! Take that heavy foot off that pedal! Don’t put that pedal to the metal. Don’t get yourself so busy, so overwhelmed, that you don’t have time for anything or anyone you love. By the way, feeling overwhelmed doesn’t help mental illness either!
Do you have time for your spouse? Your children? Your God? If not, you’re too busy. SLOW DOWN!
**No matter what we do, there will always be some measure of busyness. Do any of you have any ideas for us other peeps over here of how to include our children in our busy lives?
**Does anyone want to share ideas for showing and telling our spouses we love them, need them, rely on them, and trust them? NO RATED R!!! I’ll start—Date Nights! ❤
**Ready, set, comment away!